It was another ordinary day here, and each one is so precious. I am so wickedly blessed that I get to live every day with the most extraordinarily lovely people. I can hardly believe my good fortune some days. I dreamed I was a very old woman today. It was a terrifying place to be in and I remember feeling some hopeless frustration in forgetting things I should have known and in not being able to move myself properly or clean myself properly. But there was a comfort with me because my daughters were there, caring for me, loving me still. I can't think about that place and time yet, not really, the end of all my things as it were, but I dreamed of it and everything was alright and that is a comfort because it didn't feel like a fantasy or *just a dream* to me. Things are alright and things will continue to be alright as long as I have the ones I love with me, and they will always be with me, even if not physically.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oP-r-_pzqwo&feature=related
You know, I think all the time about how magical it is to be a mom, to raise children, holding them as tiny babies and watching them grow and discover life. Seeing their relationships with each other, knowing each of them as their own magical, amazing being. And through it all, we have this guy, this guy who knows just exactly how unbelievably wonderful they are. One other person on the planet who agrees with us completely that our humans are amazing.
ReplyDeleteI am sorry you've lost your partner in parenting and life. I know life will go on for you and I know it will never be the same and I know there will be a whole year of firsts and remembering the lasts and I just wish I could say something, anything to make it better and easier, but I know there is nothing I can say. I have started writing and I have started typing so often. But I feel like you don't know how cool I have always thought you were and now here I am pouring my heart out.
Anyway, I am thinking about you and your kids and that is about all I can do. Much love to you. -Apryl